No. And I mean “No.”
No doubt about it. You’ve often heard that “No” is a complete sentence. If you are like I am and are usually ready to say yes to requests, it’s important to learn the value of recognizing your boundaries by saying no.
There are definitely times when the word no is simple. It means no.
Often words have at least two sides. The value of no protects you from overextending or saying yes to something that you don’t have time for or frankly don’t want to do. On the other hand, I am suggesting that you don’t say “no” too quickly.
Yep, you read that right. Before you offer a unilateral no, consider the following:
Explore the possibilities.
How might this work? What new solutions might appear by brainstorming? “We’ve never done it that way before.” can be replaced by “I wonder what might happen if we try it this way?”
Take a minute.
What’s your objection? What is this request triggering in you? Where does that live in your body?
Are you saying yes or no to please someone?
“Praydream”
What an evocative word! The word “Praydream” is attributed to St. Ignatius.[1] He was said to spend a lot of time praying and day dreaming simultaneously. Imagine the possibilities.
Your Turn:
Do you have an automatic fallback when you are asked a question with a yes-no answer? Pay attention to this. Do you most often say “yes?” Or do you say “no?” How might it help you to pause and consider before you answer.
Is there room for a third way to approach the question? Sometimes the best answer is neither “yes” nor “no.” (This is definitely my favorite.)
Sit with the questions. Early 20th century Austrian poet Rainer Maria Rilke, suggested “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves…” Reflect, journal. Praydream. Pause before you answer.
[1] Thibodeaux, Mark. Reimagining the Examen: Fresh Ways to Pray from Your Day. Chicago, Loyola Press, 2015.